The evidence was obvious and appalling–a gruesome crime aftermath. Scraps of what had once been living flesh were strewn over the top of the Honda Accord, and just as many body parts were on the garage floor. Bone–yes, even bone splinters were visible to anyone brave enough to walk through that spine-chilling, sobering scene the day after Christmas.
None of those first on the scene ever thought for a moment it was a job just one could have managed. This was the grim handiwork of at least two. A team. A tandem orgy of ripping and tearing, each one perhaps trying to outdo the other. It was the heat of that orgy and its sloppiness that led to the perpetrators.
DNA evidence abounded, but it was hardly needed for the bust. Hair, saliva, teeth marks, even footprints covered the area as if the guilty had gone about their business with abandon. Now, they stared back at their accusers as though weighing the excruciating joy of their foul deed against all the possible punishments. Each agreed, without so much as a nod to the other, it was worth it.
Jake, the German Short-hair Pointer, and Kafka, the English Springer Spaniel had been let into the attached garage during the annual morning-after-Christmas breakfast of chipped beef over English muffins, scrapple (a bow to my wife, Shelley’s southern roots), homefries, ramblin’ scrambled eggs, and coffee cake. The trouble was, sitting atop the one car in that garage was the turkey carcass from Christmas dinner, and the barely-dented spiral ham that would provide several more meals for the coming week.
Either hound could have easily mounted the low-profile Accord from the front and then made a go at the meat from the slick windshield. It was the telltale pawprints that told the whole story for us: The lead dog must have tried several times to get a purchase on the roast, each time sliding back down the windshield onto the hood. We all hoped it was difficult with at least a couple of serious setbacks.
Eventually, the meat made it to the floor, and then, the collective, canine unconcious reared the head of its wildness, baying “Yes!, Yes!” to this gift of ectsasy for as long as it lasted.
Both scored low marks for their high breeds that morning. After being split up to do their time separately, each one lay bilously quiet for the balance of the day. The sodium from a whole ham now coursed through their veins, raising their blood pressure and making them unquenchably thirsty. Even through their clouded sensoriums following their gluttonous plunder, even though they were given wide births and were scowled at by their keepers, the two dull-eyed dogs remained clear-headed about one thing: It was worth it.